Jan 15, 2009

I'm fired? Well, I came close.

I nearly fired myself. 

I mean, if this is my new job, I certainly deserved 5 or 6 demerits or stern talking-to’s yesterday, mainly because of my attitude. It may have all started with both Wilder and my senses being overly stimulated at play group. Think, banging drums, ringing toys, boisterous tots. I’m aware that this is what children do-heck, they were having fun and learning! But you’ve got to cut me some slack here, I’m new at this! Some days, I.just.feel.FRAZZLED!

I’ll spare you the details, but the day involved poo in places it doesn’t belong, pee on my clothes, and spit up on both Wild and I, where it usually is. There was also more crying than normal…In those moments, I flashed back to the comfort of my cubicle and the joy of immediate access to 4 different kinds of M&M’s. But in the next moment, Wilder smiled, showcasing his cavernous dimples, and reminded me why motherhood is so very special. So worth the unglamorous moments of furiously scrubbing away poo, running up and down the stairs to the basement for laundry, pinning back my greasy bangs so they won’t get in the way (note: glances in the mirror only warrant frustration—for I typically find there’s still zit cream on my face from the night prior, my hair is in rats, and I’ve yet to dig out a bra from the piles of laundry).

Amidst the frenzy-the demands-mothers enter a different place of glory, one that even we don't fully understand. Our moments of accomplishment come when we see our children smile, hear them laugh--when we know they feel safe and free. We don our invisible knee pads, spending a lot of time praying, kneeling over the tub, tying a shoe, wiping a nose, zipping a jacket, scrubbing the floor...

A mother’s assignment will take a lifetime to complete, and even then, the job will never be done. And with it there will be moments of sorrow, especially when we see our babies leave us for a life on their own. You do know we’re only borrowing our sons and daughters for a short time, right? We raise our children to love God, others, themselves. To believe in something worthwhile. To pursue their dreams and challenge themselves. Eventually, and against our every will, we have to share them with the world into which we brought them.

It is a privilege, though bittersweet, that no well-scripted report or diplomatically delivered oracle can match.

And who says I can’t have immediate access to 4 kinds of M&Ms? The grocery store is only down the street a ways. Hmmmm....


Julie said...

Thanks for sharing a little bit of your heart and what you're going through. I wish my work had 4 kinds of M&MS (I say as I am currently eating a HUGE Hershey bar)!! However, even when the days get long and you deal with the "unpleasant" parts of being Mom, I am SO glad you made the decision to stay home with Wilder and that you get to be the one to take care of him. You are truly amazing as a person, friend, and mother!

Andrea said...

Sorry you had a rough day! I agree, it's definitely worth it. On the days where I think I can't handle anymore, they do something to turn it all around and make me smile. It would break my heart if I couldn't be with my babies at home, so I'll take them all--good days and bad. =)

Jenna said...

You are so funny! Your bit about the 4 M & Ms had me! I miss my selection of FREE soda. :( But life is more than that, isn't it? I'd love to get together again. I miss my sweet friend!

mommyjoymarie said...

I was waiting for you to say what book you got that out of - you are a truly gifted writer!
If it was possible I'm sure I would have been fired ummm...about 4 years ago! Hang in there - a mother of grown children once told me that the days may go by so slow, but the years go faster than you'd like!