Jan 21, 2010

In ten years...

I was thinking, earlier, when my brain wouldn't shut up (is this what it's like for writers, to have ideas incessantly rattling back/forth/up/down?), of what answer I would offer to:

Where do you see yourself in ten years?

As a momma I'm freaked out about having two children, about making them both feel special and amazing, while still managing to have a shower and put on a bra, so it's hard to look past this seemingly draining phase toward a different time. And I've a notion that that period, ten years from now, will too have its ups and downs and be just as tiring...considering the kids will be "tweens"...

I've a notion that, as much as I crave it, there will never be prolonged rest in this life. Perhaps that's why they call it life and living. If it's exhausting, then that means you're making something of it...or you are at least trying to live valiantly.

Nonetheless, it's vital to self-awareness to figure out some kind of path. Or, more importantly, to pray for that path then trust God to lead you on it. None of our days are wasted. They're leading to somewhere.

So I thought of this:

In ten years I will still be in love with Shawn (this is obvious to me but seems against the norm). I will have practiced putting his needs above my own, to where it comes naturally. Hopefully we'll have had our Europe trip. The statue of nakey David is beckoning...

I will have grown in the Lord in a way that I see Him everywhere, that I rely on Him first, rather than myself. I want to have shared my testimony with more people. I want to have given more to people than a smile, to be more invested in those who don't know Him...to use the pain I've been through to support their own journeys toward healing.

Our family will be tight-knit, the TV off more oft than not, the Scrabble board worn from use, books frayed from consumption. I can only hope our children will be healthy and pursuing their dreams, trying things out, messing up. I hope that they will feel they can be 100% who they are. I'll probably still be reading lots of parenting books, be freaking out over safety and curfew and all that...and miss them like crazy when they're at camp...

I will be back at work, but it will be an entrepreneurial effort. I'm used to not having a boss and I don't really want one again (ok, unless it's a really rad job where I have some leadership). I may have gone back to school. I'm unsure of that. But my work will be something creative, whether writing, doing women's ministry, or dealing mid-century interiors. Public speaking is one of my worst fears, so that may be something that God would want to stretch in me.

In the realm of physical activity, I really want to work up to running at least 10K. I have crummy knees and shin splints, but I enjoy the challenge running brings. Running for meaningful causes makes it that much more worthwhile.

And because life winds in a way we can never foresee, none of this may take place. But it's at least empowering to work every day to be the person I want to be. I don't in fact like to set goals or dream big because I feel other people are keeping track and will see me as flaky if I don't follow through (but who's keeping track? that's dumb). I don't want God's purpose in my life to ever be overshadowed by daily demands...and He put certain desires in my heart that He'll see into fruition.

Lastly, we will have two cars and a jetted tub in the master bath. And a KitchenAid mixer.

So, how would you answer the question?

Good night friends. Breathe deeply. You've earned it.


Anonymous said...

Oh my, I love, love your writings. I am consumed by your every word. Thank you for always sharing such wonderful thoughts. LOVE IT!
P.S. The statue of david is over-rated. hee hee hee.
P.S.S. You forgot to say that in 10 years Wilder and his buddy Grey would be climbing trees together and ignoring girls . . .

Megan said...

Sister, this is wonderful. I got choked up.