Kansas has had some unbearably hot days. Today, I heard a rumbling sound in the distance. That sound we tell our kids is "God moving furniture around in heaven." Thunder. Oh, sweet thunder. It was so good to sense the refreshment it would bring. To hear branches be whisked away along wind's waltz. The shower was short, but I swear our parched, straw-like grass now boasts a smattering of green life.
I "gave" Shawn a break from helping with bedtime (it's always such a production in our house...like an hour to get both kids from bath to slumber). I really tried to enjoy doing the process solo. If Shawn has to work late, I get really bummed when I "hafto" do bedtime routines solo. Tonight was different and good and I felt strong and capable.
Sometimes Wilder asks me to lie with him a bit before he goes down for good. Most of the time I say "yes" even though my mind is whirring with countless chores to complete. Or countless episodes of Big Brother to watch. Or whether or not his little toddler bed will succumb under my weight...
Tonight's particular cuddle was pure sweet, raw soul sugar. It seemed that the 10 minutes were minutes I could see suspended over us, swirling like a constellation, untouchable--then becoming encapsulated into my memory. I was very in tune and aware of the transfer of affection--that's the thing, when I'm in a better place emotionally/spiritually and all around holistically, I can more fully savor such blessings. I am happy I stayed with him for awhile. But I am also sad because one day, he'll no longer ask for me.
He touched my eyebrow..Mommy, is that your eyebrow? It's silly. Yes, Wilder it is. And it looks kind of like a caterpillar. So do yours. They help protect our eyes from dirt.
And we sang our favorite song: Where you go I'll go, where you stay I'll stay, when you move I'll move, I will follow you, yeah, I will follow you. Ohhh oh oh, ohhh oh oh. And his little boy voice, singing up to the Lord of Light, the voice that will one day be low and hormonalish, cracks and bends my heart. In these moments he has me in the palm of his hand.
I kiss his smile. He cracks up. He can't stop. You. Kiss. Need. Kiss. To. Kiss. Go. Kiss. To. Kiss.Sleep.
Mommy, do that again!
Motherhood heals me.