Every once in awhile, k nearly always, I'll I have a day that seems unrecoverable. Lost down the chute of "really, seriously?", and it takes awhile before I can step back and realize all of it is really quite comical and there are worst things in life and Lord thank you for the tornado even though the mess about sends me over the edge.
I had made cookies for a friend to pick up today but little hungry, naughty hands ate and mangled through the entire batches--not out of reach enough, I guess. Mushed chocolate chips in the crib? That sounds like fun to clean up! And I'm irritated because the cookies were a task for me, a real sacrifice to make because they are not within the diet, and it's the cookies' fault that I ate sweets yesterday. And I shouldn't be upset the cookies are obliterated; they weren't for me anyway but then again I was going to keep a few for myself.
And I find myself vacuuming twice a day (this is usually when I can tell I forgot to wear deodorant) which is absurd for me but after awhile stepping on crunchy cereal has lost its luster and is no longer a learning in experience in "name that sound", and the day after I mopped, someone's yogurt spills.
While I'm cleaning the yogurt I glance out the finger-printed patio door, and see both kids, pants down to their ankles, and I ask myself how I'm going to train my daughter not to pee outside.
Then as this day continues I am stunned at the things I say like, "you just need to be self-sufficient" and "find your own shoe" and those comments make me feel like a horrible person.
And someone always gets hurt or falls or pulls the plug out of the electric outlet
or plays in my Clinique powder, mashing it into a clean rug,
and not only am I running in circles physically,
but my mind,
oh, my mommy-mind,
just can't do anymore.
Then God does things like a friend bringing lunch then another a Panera cookie (by this time the diet is on hold because I am stressed and have realized the weight loss shakes are laden with sugar and $11 nuts chocked full of fat). He gives me energy to clean up those last crumbs then plop on the couch for a nap as long as the kids'.
What a crazy path. What a hubbub.
Lord, give me humility and strength. Thank you for making life interesting.
Refine my ugly.pardon the single spelling error above (sliver instead of silver)