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Dec 11, 2012

His sweet

Wilder.

Oh my sweet Wilder. Firstborn to me, showing me what selflessness entails. What it means to give and give. To do the hardest things in life. The most rewarding things.

I wish you all could see my boy in action. Things aren't always perfect with him, but, I can't help but be captured by his dimples and glossy long locks every.day. He has the emotional (in)stability and relative outgoingness of yours truly, the imagination and leadership qualities of his father.

 Lately I have been convicted to parent on more of a spiritual level, than on a "I just want to correct his behavior" level. I don't really know what exactly spiritual parenting looks like (except for looking at the Word), but I do know it springs out of my desire for Wilder to do things that please the Lord, not just me. I want to parent his heart, not just his behavior. 

I have found that simplifying things helps. Instead of saying "Wilder, how many times do I have to tell you to eat your breakfast?" Instead I just say one word: "eat" or "food" or "breakfast," or "thumb" when he's sucking his thumb. I read it in Parents magazine.
He had his first children's Christmas program. I laughed more than I cried. Sometimes I laugh when I'm nervous. It was a glimpse for me of all that we have ahead, and I'm scared I won't be able to handle the hurt (and happiness) of it all. 

I think of all the firsts Wilder has ahead of him. All my firsts terrified me (I was very shy). I hope they won't be as hard for him. First day of kindergarten, first time singing a solo, first time taking the SAT tests, first time giving a speech, first kiss...oh my I was so nervous through all of those. A nervous wreck. I hope the kids get Shawn's more laid back approach!
Wilder is on the far left. He and the sheep next door fist fought through the entirety of the second song. Mortifying, but what could we do?

***
Things about Wilder:
Loves potatoes, bread/butter, meatloaf
Jabbers 90 mph
Still likes to be cuddled and tucked in at night
Naps every now and then
Excelling at twice/week preschool
Kisses my baby belly
Improving his sharing/caring with/of Story
Remembers things from when he was 1 or younger (very detailed)
Has a bruised front tooth now; sibling collision
Mastered all of the spiritual topics/measurements in preschool
(I cried at this during his p/t conference)
Enjoys more science books than story books
Loves Awanas

My heart aches for Wilder even when I'm holding him. I miss him even when he's just right there. He asks me all the time, Mommy, do you miss me, even though I'm right here? And I say yes

It's unexplainable. 

It's a mommy's love. 

Raw and consuming.

Right and wonderful.

Unbreakable and passionate.

I learned from the best: my Savior.

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