Feb 1, 2013

Kisses in the Night--My sweetheart

spring 2009

Every once in awhile God will give me a powerful gift in the guise of something quite simple. Tonite, as I was laying down with Wilder during our nightly cuddle session, he fell into a quick sleep, rather than jabbering 90 mph. I took him in. I took that moment in with every bit of me I could find, to meet him there in a peaceful place.
Wilder, not yet 2, broken leg, sesame street

I caressed his face, my fingers going across his beautiful soft dimple. My hands feeling his sweet locks of long hippie hair. My lips giving him gentle mommy kisses to soothe him to dreamland. I love being trusted like this. I'm awed at seeing him vulnerable, arms outstretched in that manner that only children do...those few of us without a care in the world.

I hold his hand, tenderly holding each sweet finger, those silly fingernails that grow so quickly. I kiss his hand, then just hold it there, pressed to my lips, wanting to drink in his sweetness, his smell, his boyhood, his innocence, his bright beginnings. I could hold his hand for a lifetime.

I place my hand on his chest so I can feel his breathing. His skin is like cream, free from the wreckage of the sun, a freckle on that one cheek, same place as his dad's. Nose as perfect as the day he was born, yet unchanged from teenage hormones. Eyelashes like soft black caterpillars giving his eyes a rest, saying go ahead, sweet one, we'll protect you from dust and bad dreams.
spring 2009

My heart has ached for him to stay little, as we make decisions about his education. I know in my heart that he will be fine, that we don't give him enough credit, that the world is at his fingertips. I'm proud that I chose this job of staying home full time. Some days I'm not fully in it, but I am a determined woman. It's this love that both paralyzes and propels me. Grounds me but moves me where I need to go.

It's too bad about the American Dream. We've got it all wrong. These babies of mine, that we've been blessed to nurture, are everything good and right in this world. Their hearts and minds are so fragile and precious and must be handled so right, so, so right. So devotedly. I'll gladly push away those selfish thoughts like you deserve this or, you don't have that because...for those lead to an empty person. A person only thinking about herself.

Just know, I do love mommy time, where I can go have lunch with myself and people watch. And craft nite with friends is a must. But my babies that both love and demand, are my greatest teachers in life. My greatest motivation and inspiration, with their love of heaven and how they know it's home. With their empathy toward people and greatest concern over the little things. With their excitement over a tiny scoop of ice cream. With their lilted voices inventing songs that make me grin so large my cheeks ache.

It is glorious. In these moments I am confident, capable. I don't need a briefcase or black suede pumps with a pin-striped suit.

Nothing trumps these sweet kisses in the night.

Nothing ever will.
my sweet sunshine wilder, spring 2009

1 comment:

Open Roads Mama said...

awww, what adorable photos! :) they do grow too fast, don't they!